spinocerebellar : i'm hoping for it. yet i'm afraid.

spinocerebellar ataxia

have you watch korean drama (or japan, i cant remember actually, this drama is from which country) entitled 1 Litre of Tears. oh ! i think its from japan lah as the title in other language (japanese, i think) is Ichi Litre No Namida. yah. i’m quite good in japanese. HAHA. please laugh :P ( i used to say it in Malay - sila gelak. and it seems weird if i say it in English - please laugh. its just like a request. asking people to laugh on something thats not funny at all. kinda stupid. pfft) the drama is about a girl who suffered from that degeneration disease. she never gave up, trying to live her life, until her last breath.

why am i mentioned SPINOCEREBELLAR just now? ok lah. actually i’ve google about this disease (my sister asked me to do some research. HAHA) there are many types of spinocerebellar. what makes me scare the most is i have some symptoms of this disease. i realised it just about two weeks ago. i told my sister about the embarassing event during the UMI camp at Bukit Cherakah. (i fell down. just because i cant control my left leg at that moment.) for me, it’s quite funny and i cant stop laughing at myself.

at the first time my sister told me about that disease, i took it for granted (are my grammar and usage of words right?) but after a loooooooooooong time of thinking, i remebered, when i was in standard 4, the same thing happened - fall down, all of a sudden. i dont know whether those incidents are symptoms of this fatal disease or not.

i always hoping that my life will end up dramatically. i dont know why. maybe because i want to see those who always ignore me, make me sad, to regret when i die. HAHA. and now, i already have the symptoms of one of the most dangerous disease. it has no cure. yup, i’m happy. but i’m feeling quite afraid too. how much time i still have, before i go? idk.

if it is fated, i have that disease. i accept it with a wide-opened heart. Thank God. I know u love me. you can take me whenever you want. i’m feeling eager to go to you.